Subject: The Report Card

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. Itwas addressed,"Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read theletter, with trembling hands."Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, becauseI wanted to avoid ascene with Mom and you. I've been finding realpassion with Stacy, andshe is so nice, but I knew you would not approve ofher, because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight Motorcycleclothes, and because she isso much older than I am. But it's not only thepassion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer inthe woods, and has a stack of firewood for the wholewinter. We share adream of having many more children. Stacy hasopened my eyes to thefact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone.We'll be growing itfor ourselves, and trading it with the other peoplein the commune, forall the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In themeantime, we'll pray thatscience will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can getbetter. She suredeserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I knowhow to take care ofmyself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit,so you can get toknow your grandchildren.Love, your son, John.P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over atTommy's house.I just wanted to remind you that there are worsethings in life than thereport card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.